my rant on accountability

I very rarely go to the movie theater but my son was staying with family for the evening so my husband and I seized the moment and went to see Oceans 13. Somehow we got caught up in a philosophical discussion about human interdependencies and the extent of that responsibility. So I thought I would share.
To provide some background (for those that don't know me well) I was raised under the impression that I can be, and should be, totally independent. I should not expect anyone to do anything for me. This later evolved into what we all know as; "don't live beyond your means" "reap what you sow" "you made your bed now lie in it". Ultimately, it was about accountability. When you do wrong- repent repent repent. Now, most of you are having flash backs of church right now but with my mother it was not about religious creed but about taking ownership and responsibility as a human being, to acknowledge that you have done wrong and try to make it right.
My husband quoted a "professional" as saying "You are not responsible for other people's happiness", thus starting our debate. It bothered me that he could find agreement in that statement. He went on to clarify that there needs to be more clarification when you say that to someone. It would apply best if someone chose to be mad at you and you've done nothing wrong. If you ask them what the problem was and they say "Nothing" then it's out of your hands. I knew what he meant but I wondered if this "professional" provided any clarification when they said that to people or if it was just put out there as law.
To me, that quote seems to be taken out of context. I think it is irresponsible to take that quote and slop it all over your everyday life. Why? Accountability!
In my 20's I tried to live under the umbrella of "I don't need anything from anyone". As you can imagine, that didn't get me very far. The older I got the more clear it became that the true test of living in the real world is learning to work with other people. Achieving your objective by utilizing the resources around you (yes, this includes other people ). All along I thought being interdependent was a weakness. The true weakness is not being able to work with others. I'm still new to this concept and struggle daily to overcome my miser ways. In order to be interdependent you have to be able to trust people – another concept I have issues with. However, I recognize it is a necessity in life so it is something I work on.
To tell someone that "you are not responsible for other people's happiness" is irresponsible. I believe we have a moral responsibility to each other as human beings. Some people take that quote as a license to be an idiot and if you get mad at me or what I do, that's your problem. I don't agree with that. Would you ever tell your kids "I am not responsible for you feeling loved"? Hell no! My boss is famous for saying "Nobody has the power to make you mad". Again, I don't think that is a complete statement. Flip it around "Nobody has the power to make you feel loved" - I believe they do, I have experienced it first hand. "Nobody has the power to make you feel comfortable in their home" Ever been on the wrong side of that track? LOL.
Anyway, the point I tried to make to my husband was that our initial reaction is to feel mad, glad, or loved uncomfortable. It's our outlook on those situations that can turn the tables. What they should say is that you have the tools to affect people use them with care as you would have others to do with you (sound familiar). Use them with accountability and be responsible for your actions has a human being. And if you do something wrong or hurt someone's feelings, make it right. At least attempt to make it right with all you have. They can choose to accept your efforts or not but at least try! Which leads into my least favorite business catch phrase,
"It is what it is". The same person that came up with "You are not responsible for other people's happiness" wrote this little gem too. It's another incomplete statement but it's overused and slopped all over everything it seems. I despise it the most when people use it to turn away from changing something that is obviously faulty. It's as if one was to say "Oh, well, not my problem". It's irresponsibility at its finest. I can appreciate it most when people say it after they have exhausted every effort and they have to accept something for what it is until a change can be realized. Yes, it is what it is – for now. At least they tried.
Eventually, after beating the dead horse he surrendered and we made glue.